Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Reality Is...

When I first started staying at home with my boys, I had major plans. The TV would hardly ever get turned on, we'd have 5 star dinners every night, and my house would be immaculate. This is not the case. I had no idea this new role of mine would be so challenging. When my first son was born, I stayed home for seven months before going back to work. We lived in a house only a fraction of the size of our house now. My son was sleeping through the night by four months, and we had the luxury of two cars (meaning errands could be done while my husband was at work).

Things are different this time around. For one, my house is huge. No, I am not complaining about it, I love my house, I love my development, and I love the country scenery I get to look at while sipping my coffee. However, a house three times as big, takes three times as long to clean.

On random nights when my little munchkin sleeps through the night (that means 8pm till at least 5am), I feel like a domestic goddess. I'm up before my husband, the dogs get walked, coffee made, and I might even be inclined to make a hearty breakfast. Unfortunately those days are few and far between. I am often so tired after the night, that when 7:00 roles around I can barely open my eyes. I drag myself around, changing diapers, making quick breakfasts (good thing Munchkin loves cereal), walking dogs. The rest of the day is similar, my patience is running low for two year old antics, and I resort to the TV to keep him occupied while I clean up.

Then the guilt sets in. I made a new years resolution to spend more time with the babies. The cleaning after all can wait, but their little legs, and fat feet, will be grown before I know it. I started this post with the idea that I'd be confessing that things aren't always as rosey as they seem. However the more I write, the more I realize that I am once again putting too much pressure on myself.

My husband doesn't seem to notice if dinner takes me 30 minutes or 2 hours, and of course Munchkin seems to enjoy less complicated meals. I don't even think my husband is bothered by mess unless he knows someone is coming to visit. I guess the truth is, I've concocted this image of the perfect stay at home mom and I've been trying to emulate this made up person. I think I'm afraid if I'm myself I won't be good at this stat at home thing. The reality is, I need to focus on the reasons I at home, and that's my boys!

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