Color Coded Discipline

Hi!!  

I hope you all are enjoying this awesome fall weather as much as the kiddos and I are.  It's allowed us to enjoy outside activities without being overly hot or freezing cold.  We've gone apple picking, and tomorrow we have plans for a pumpkin picking field trip.  I am truly loving all the time we are spending together as a family.

With that said, allow me to keep it all the way real.  Sometimes, my kids are off the hook, and I'd rather not spend time with them at all.  I have been that woman in Target with a baby screaming, a 3 year old running wildly through the clothes, and a 4 year old having a melt down because he has been denied his latest request for something (ANYTHING) new.

How do I handle these situations?  Well, to begin with, I try to avoid these situations all together.   I know their triggers: tired, bored, or hungry (basically the same for any kid). I find that if my children are scheduled and fed, they are pretty good kids... actually very good.  When we go out, I try and remember to give them the "mommy talk".  Basically I break down my expectations, and consequences.  While home we have a routine (not so much a schedule) that they come to expect.  In the morning, Ace asks what we are doing for the day.  He's that textbook child who thrives on a routine.  I believe it makes him feel secure and safe, otherwise he can be a very worried child.  He reminds me of the book Wemberly Worried.  I can go into more details about our daily routine or plan in another post.

However, there are those times when for whatever reason, they act a mess, routine, "mommy talk" or not.  On one particular day about a year ago, Ace was having one of those days.  He was being a monster.  I thought I was going to loose my mind.  Screaming, yelling, slamming doors.  It was me vs. my (at the time) 3 year old.  Once the battle was over, and we were both calm, I knew something had to change.  I mean I was a teacher in an urban area, with often over 25 kids to keep in line.  How come I couldn't keep my own child in order.

You know the phrase "necessity is the mother of invention".  Well, I didn't invent anything, but I did tweek a system that I used in my classroom, and our color coded discipline system was born.  It is very simple.  I glued blocks of craft foam to a piece of white paper leaving about 2 or 3 inches of white on the top.  I fold over the top to create a place to slide a ribbon through and voila done.  I hung it with a Command Strip in our Kitchen Art Center.  I wanted it to be very visual.

How do I use this?  

Well, each child has a clothespin.  Their names are written on them with a Sharpie.  For the picture I flipped them so their names don't show.  I only have one for Ace, and Bear now, but at some point when he's old enough I'll add a clothespin for CJ.  In the morning the clothespins start at the top in dark green.  Everyday is new and they can start fresh each day.  I want to teach them that bad days happen, but we must move on and make the next day better.  The color chart is as follows:

Dark Green = Perfect Day: Dessert (Usually pudding, fruit, or fruit snacks), iPad or phone time before bath, plus a magnet on responsibility chart for Ace.  Ace has a Melissa and Doug Magnetic Responsibility Chart, it comes with lots of pre-written responsibilities and also a few blank, so you can write your own.  I added a good listening responsibility.  If he gets 7 magnets (sunday through saturday), he is rewarded with a treat of his choice (with in reason). 

Light Green = Pretty good day: Dessert, iPad or phone time before bath, no magnet

Yellow = Okay Day: Dessert, no iPad or phone

Orange = Needs Improvement Day: No Dessert, No electronics

Red = Very bad, No good, Horrible day: Straight to bed after dinner, no dessert, no bath, no book, Do not pass go, do not collect $200 (a little Monopoly humor.. lol).

We have only ever had a Red day once, and rarely orange.  Every child tests the limits sometimes.

How do they move up and down the chart?

  When the boys get time-out, they move down from one color to the next.  On most days they stay in the green (dark or light).  I have on occasion, moved a clothespin back up a space.  This only happens for exceptional unsolicited behavior or actions.  For example I once caught Ace cleaning the playroom and getting Bear to help.  I didn't ask him to.  He was truly just being a good kid.  On the other hand there have been times he is in yellow, and will say "mommy, look, I just picked up my Legos.  Can you move me back up?"  Nope, doesn't work like that.  

I like this system because it allows me to have a concrete reference for their behavior.  My husband always asks how the boys were when he gets home from work.  Sometimes, by that time I am so tired, and brain fried, I don't remember the morning tantrum.  Simply seeing that someone's clothespin is in light green helps me to remember.  It's also perfect for small children, as it is a visual representation of their behavior.  

We've been using this system for about a year and it works for us.  What discipline systems (if any) do you use in your home?